I won't crash until Friday
by Serymn
Summary: They were the same. Midori has lost all her sense of self after living her whole life for the approval of others. Momoka doubts if she still has a real self underneath all the pretending. In a special class that occurs in dreams, can they find their lost selves before it all ends by graduation?


AN: I like the minor characters of _After School Nightmare_ than the main love triangle of Sou, Mashiro, and Kureha. Search as I may there's no fic with both Midori and Momoka, those with my fave stories. Solution: Write it myself, then. :)

* * *

_Thursday_, 6:13 AM. Momoka arrives in school earlier than usual, as a long quiz is due on the first class 7 AM sharp, World History. The classrooms are still locked, and the only space to sit in is the study area by the windows of the second floor. She scans her notes and highlights the important names and dates in neon-green, grateful for the brief silence before other students arrive to start another school day.

She sees another girl outside the window. There, by herself and watering the flowers in the botanical garden downstairs, was Midori. She had a distinctive hairstyle of long, braided pigtails almost reaching her knees. What Momoka knows about her: she was the expected valedictorian of the graduating class, but not anymore. Midori Okui was the student council President but she quit. Before, Momoka always saw her as an approachable senior willing to help younger students. Lately, though, Momoka can't remember even seeing her smile or talk to other people. Rumors say she had some sort of 'breakdown' from unknown reasons.

As if sensing someone watching her from above, Midori glances up at her and their eyes briefly met. Momoka tried to smile, but Midori has looked away and is pouring water at the last of the plants.

She hears the nearby door opening, which means the boy who was entrusted with their classroom key has arrived.

* * *

11:30 AM. The class bell rings for lunch. As usual, Momoka eats with Satsuki and Ai in the school cafeteria. Even though they talk and laugh together, Momoka can't help but feel the other two prefer each other's company than her. She and Ai were best friends since first year, but ever since Satsuki joined them Ai had been closer to her. Below her smiles, Momoka knows she's just putting on an appearance of the good extra-best friend. For Ai.

Momoka pastes on her constant smile as they gossip about rumors surrounding other classmates – who was dating, who just broke up, who slept with whom. They notice Midori Okui seated alone in the far end of the canteen, and the topic changes to her.

"Too bad about Midori-senpai. Everyone thought she'd graduate with the highest honors, but turns out she's staying another year. Did she fail a class?" Satsuki said.

"Yeah, I used to ask her about Math assignments a lot. But now she seems so unapproachable..." Ai said.

"What class is she still taking?" Satsuki asked.

"I don't know. I heard Midori-san focused too much on extra-curricular stuff so she can get in a good university, but the school didn't accept her," Ai said.

Momoka still smiled even if she knows about that class, that Midori's her classmate, and it wasn't worth smiling about at all.

* * *

5:30 PM. Class ends and she exchanges goodbyes with Satsuki and Ai. Once alone, she goes up the stairs leading up to the infirmary, the mysterious stairs that appear only for her. She had always walked those steps alone. The room Momoka goes in is lined with canopy-covered beds, and the nameless nurse dressed in white smiles at her, seated behind large, wooden desk. On the table is a glass of water and a small white pill to make her sleep before class starts in the dream arena.

She drinks it down and walks to an empty bed, more comfortable than her bed in the dorms. The sheets are made of the palest and softest lavender cotton, the canopy a velvet maroon. Before her eyes close, the last thing she sees is the profile of Midori Okui sleeping on the next bed.

* * *

_Dream Class commence_

**CLASS RULES**

1. Fight. Get the key to graduate, found inside each student (rip them open). Once the key is obtained, find the door that leads to graduation and unlock it.

2. If successful, the three glass spheres of the cord each student wears to eliminate them (They will be disqualified from the current class game – in other words, they'll wake up).

3. What happens in the dream class stays in the dream. Don't bring up grudges in real life.

4. Only three unexcused absences are allowed. Exceeding THREE consecutive absences is NOT allowed. Consult with the Nurse for problems or issues about the class. She is willing to help.

* * *

It's a dream so anything is possible, the rules of the real world need not apply. Each student has his own unique fighting form in the dream and it is not necessarily human. Momoka takes the form of a hand. Not just a simple hand, but one she can transform to what will deal with an opponent best. The slithering arm is best to trap and choke them. She changes to hundreds of arms to tackle a stronger enemy. The bloodiest yet is the one large hand she uses to crush them like waste paper, squeezing out blood completely.

Momoka doesn't like it. She knows it's a dream, but what she feels is real. It's not her nature to hurt others. She's afraid she's starting to like it, the sick thrill of power and bloodlust.

Midori is also there. She still looks the same except that her face and heart are replaced by round, gaping holes. Momoka had tried to strangle her once, entwining her many arms on those holes. Midori had used an axe to hack her to pieces until the whole room was bloody with torn, chopped flesh. Midori managed to break all the glass beads on her bracelet, waking her in the middle of the night at the infirmary. "Better luck next time," the nurse had told her.

Their dream forms, Momoka thinks, is a more accurate representation of a person's nature. The recognizable ones who still retain their forms in the waking world can be trusted – they don't have to hide anything, they don't need to present a false self to others. Those who are so deformed like Momoka are the ones pretending. They try hard to keep up a false self, but in truth they are actually not what they pretend to be.

You could never guess who they are unless they tell: the wolf beast, the fanged mermaid, the paper giraffe, and the armored knight. They would never know it is Momoka, the hands so eager to tear them apart.

She stayed in the sidelines this time, not fighting anyone, only watching the others fight. No one graduated today.

* * *

Momoka sits on the covered toilet inside the bathroom stall, hugging her knees so her shoes don't show below the door. She listens to Satsuki and Ai talking in the Girls' comfort room thinking they're both alone. The white tile walls are covered with scribbled, anonymous notes in black permanent marker: _Kurehai is a whore. Mashiro-kun is mine, Kurehai is a slut-bitch! X thinks she's all that she's a slut._ _Midori is a pretentious shit._

They are whispering outside and it's difficult to hear. Momoka only picked up bits of talking, but its enough to piece together the story.

"…was scared. It was painful…" said Ai's trembling voice. It sounded like she was crying.

"At least its over, Ai. Everything can go back to normal," said Satsuki, trying to comfort the other girl.

"I told him. He tried to _pay _me for my trouble, I didn't accept it. Said he doesn't want to see me again," said Ai. She made the hitching-throat sound people made when they cried.

"The _bastard…_ I think its best to forget about him, Ai." Satsuki hissed with hatred as she spoke.

At least Ai's okay now, rid of a potential pregnancy she didn't want. It was only last week she accidentally overheard them in the Girls' restroom. Satsuki accompanied Ai as she used a pregnancy test kit which showed positive. They never told Momoka, and she didn't even know until then that Ai had a boyfriend from another school. Satsuki's doing a better job of supporting Ai. Momoka wouldn't have known what to do.

_Worthless me._

She waited for another ten minutes after the two girls have gone. Momoka's cue to get out, and there was Midori, washing her hands on the sink. Momoka checked her reflection on the mirror, their eyes meeting again on the glass reflection just before Momoka walks out the door.

* * *

Satsuki and Ai had left earlier. Momoka decided to wait in the library until the next class. It was filled with students as Midterms starts tomorrow, and the only chair left to sit in is beside Midori. Momoka has spoken with Midori a few times before, but they were vague and forgotten conversations about school clubs.

"Can I sit here, Midori-san?" she asked.

"Sure," Midori said and nodded. Midori was reading a book, and Momoka took out a notebook and tried to practice solving equations for Algebra.

"You're in the dream class too, right? The hand…" Midori said, still looking at her own book and not at Momoka.

"I… yes. How'd you know?" Momoka paused writing. Sometimes, in the dream class, they dream about the pasts of their classmates. She had been in some of these flashbacks – it wasn't always a good thing. Her classmates had scary secrets. Does Midori know about hers? Her problem about friendship is so _petty_ compared to theirs.

"I just guessed. My form there is pretty obvious, right? Quite unoriginal…"

"You still look the same, but faceless and heartless."

Unasked and unsaid: _What does it mean, that you feel empty? No true identity, no feelings?_

Midori looked out the window. "Can you see the black moon?" she asked.

Momoka looked out. The sky was a blank, cloudless blue. "No, I can't see a black moon," she replied. Was Midori joking or something?

"Everyone I asked didn't see. Ah, I must be the only one who can see it then, or maybe I've been imagining it all along…" Midori said.

"You have such nice, long hair, Midori-san. How long have you let it grow?" Momoka asked, and wondered at herself where the question came from.

"My mom didn't want it cut since I was seven. I'm very used to it, and my hair is too thick and unmanageable when it isn't braided like this. Yours is better, Ohara-san. Do you dye it? I've never seen hair so black and silky…" and Midori caressed her hair, fingers moving through the strands from her nape to her back. It made her neck and spine tingle. Some stray obsidian strands of fallen hair were encircling Midori's pale fingers as her hands let go.

"I don't. It's that way already. Dyes damage hair," Momoka says, trying not to think of how that brief touch made her feel and tucked stray hair to the back of her ear.

The school bell rang, which means its 5:30 PM. "We better go to class," Midori said, smiling (forced). "Yes," Momoka says. For the first time, there is someone to walk those stairs with her.

_Dream class commence_

There's a new student. Still curious, still wandering the halls in amazement, still figuring out for himself what this dream is all about. His identity is obvious, some nameless quiet guy from the third year. He still looks the same. _A pure, innocent person with no dirty secrets to hide_, Momoka thinks as her hand-form slithered silent behind him.

He opened a door and screamed. Midori grabbed the boy's arms, his eyes wide in panic as Midori's faceless visage got nearer, as if trying to kiss him. The boy screamed again as Momoka grabbed him by the shoulder and he realized she was only a disembodied arm. She could distinctly feel his fear as she surrounded him like a snake: the rapid pulse on his whole body, the cold sweat where their skins touch.

It's Midori's turn to run a rusted razor blade deep across his belly. He couldn't scream anymore, as Momoka is choking him. He looks down at his own torn uniform, intestines and blood spilling out and staining his pristine white shirt. Midori proceeds to plunge her hand into his open gut and search for the key. She pulled it out, a slimy and bloody chained necklace with the key pendant.

Two sphere beads of glass broke at the cord tied to the boy's neck.

Midori got the key, but pried one of Momoka's hands off its choke-hold on the guy, and pressed the key to her palm. The boy stared at them in confusion, too weak to resist. Momoka handed her back the key and said, "It's yours, Midori. I don't want it."

Midori shakes her head and said, "I don't want it either. I'll give it to him, then."

"Head to the room with the door for graduation. Use this key to open it. Hurry, someone might break the last glass bead and you'll wake up," Midori tells him. Momoka loosened her hold. The boy slumped to the floor in phantom pain. He managed to stand up and walk. "Thank you," he said and hurried out, clutching his stomach.

"Why did you give it up? The key was yours," Momoka asked.

"Why didn't you accept it, then? It's not yet my time to graduate," Midori asked back.

"Same as your reason, I feel like there are things I still have to do. I'm not prepared yet," Momoka replied.

They soon woke up, it was already Friday morning. Momoka sat up, Midori waking up as well on the next bed.

"Good morning, Okui-san, Ohara-san. Good job too, someone graduated thanks to both of you. I understand your reasons, and the purpose of this class isn't only to graduate but to become stronger. Both of you have gotten stronger in the dream class than when you started. That boy had it easy, though, graduating on his first day with your help," the nurse said, and smiled.

The image of the boy is starting to disappear from their memory. In the dream class, once a person graduates, he also is erased from everyone else's minds. They'll look at his empty chair at the back of the room, maybe think, _who's sitting there? Oh, maybe that chair must have been empty in the first place._

* * *

She surprises herself sometimes, when Satsuki and Ai are leaving together after their shared goodbyes and she suddenly grabs on to either of them as if to say _Please don't leave me. _

They screech in pain when she does that. Once it was Ai. "Sorry. I thought I had something to tell you," Momoka said, and Ai gave her a questioning look. "Fine, Momoka. But that really hurt. Please don't do that again. Bye," said Ai, smiles a false smile. "See you," Satsuki said and they walked on to leave with Ai still clutching her arm where Momoka grabbed her.

The second time it was Satsuki. "There you go again, Momoka. Why are you trying to hurt us?" she had said, and tried to laugh off the pain on her shoulder. "I don't mean too. Sometimes I get shocked for no reason and I do that, I don't know my own strength," Momoka replied. "Try to calm yourself, then, because you surprise us too," Ai said, looking at her with suspicion.

Momoka hides on the bathroom stall again. She really has to stop eavesdropping on Satsuki and Ai. She knows if they happen to talk about what they really think of Momoka, it will hurt. Their voices are louder now, not bothering to whisper to each other.

"What the hell is wrong with Momoka? Look, there's a bruise where she grabbed me by the shoulder yesterday," said Satsuki's voice. Both of them are outside, fixing their hair in front of the mirror. Momoka is trying to picture them, imagines Satsuki unbuttoning her uniform blouse and showing Ai a new purple bruise under a white bra strap.

"Yeah, me too, by the arm," said Ai, she must be loosening the blazer of their uniform to show the older, yellowing bruise above her elbow. "She always says sorry, anyway, but how can these not be intentional? She always looks surprised, but it really hurt," Ai said.

"We'll just watch out for her hand, then," said Satsuki, and they left the restroom.

Momoka watched her own hands. Imagined it streaked with blood, like in the dream class.

* * *

She once dreamed, a normal one. Midori was there. Momoka was not a hand but her usual self, and Midori looked the same as in that class (faceless and heartless). In the dream, they were sitting beside each other but facing opposite directions.

"What do you think will happen after graduation?" Momoka asked her.

"No one knows. Something you'll never expect, maybe. Graduate to see for yourself," the dream Midori answers, a voice emanating from nowhere (the empty space where a face should be).

"What if I just stop attending the class?"

"This is not a normal subject where three unexcused absences will only get you a warning. Three absences, you're no longer accepted in the class. In other words, you'll just _disappear_. Not disappear like graduation. You won't _exist _anymore."

"If it's that simple, then I just won't attend. Disappearing doesn't sound so bad…"

"You've gone this far. It's too early to give up. Confronting your fears isn't easy. But if you want to be gone that way, I understand."

"I mentioned it to the nurse. She was worried I'll do it. To just simply cease to be… won't it be peaceful?"

"I once thought of that too. But I've made a choice and it is to graduate. It's up to you. It's your choice." Then, Midori took her hand and held it up near the void of her missing heart.

"I wish I can hear and feel my own breathing and heartbeat before I graduate. Yes, that's the only thing I want, to have my face and heart back," Midori said.

They sit there for a long time, not speaking, holding each other's cold hands until Momoka wakes up.

* * *

"I had a strange dream about you last night," Momoka said to Midori as they wait together in the library until 5:30 for the class.

"I had a dream about you, too. We were talking, and you said you wanted to disappear."

"Strange. This must be the effects of the dream class, that we even dream our normal dreams together. The English teacher mentioned you in class, Midori. He said you were his best student," Momoka said, and smiled.

"Huh? I plagiarized everything I submitted to him. I kissed the professor's asses so I could get an A," Midori said. Momoka's smile disappeared. This is the first time she hears Midori sounding so _bitter_.

"Before, you seemed to be so enthusiastic about school. What made you hate it now?" Momoka asked, trying to understand. If Midori doesn't want to answer, it's fine.

"I've always pretended to like it. I was good at acting, and now I don't know who I am. Maybe that explains why I'm faceless in the dream. It's not that I hate it now, only that I hated it _all along_. I'm tired of being the over-achiever, the eager leader who does everything to please everyone. Look, I did all that to get in a college. How petty I was, I wasn't even accepted."

So that explains it. "Midori, do you like yourself?"

"Why ask that? Right now, I'm okay with myself. I don't have to like me."

"I wish I could learn to like myself, or at least be _okay_ with myself like you."

"Maybe you feel that because you always blame yourself when something goes wrong. You try to be nice to your friends, but you can't get rid of the hatred and jealousy you really feel. You resent yourself for feeling them."

How can Midori be so accurate? Momoka's denying her own feelings for too long. "So I won't be ignored more than they already do. I'm afraid I might hurt them, that I can't control my feelings – my hate. I'm afraid of what I'm becoming. I'm afraid to be alone," Momoka said, trying to fight back threatening tears. She bit her lip and willed it away, and they didn't fall.

"Momoka, am I not your friend? Surely, you're okay with your other classmates, right?"

"Yes. You're my friend. My classmates are fine, but I'm closer to the two of them. Ai and Satsuki."

"You're fine, Momoka. People always fail to see the good in themselves. Remember that. Try to acknowledge your true feelings and not suppress them, one can't always smile and pretend everything's okay."

* * *

"Tomorrow, I'll end the dream," Midori said. So, this is why Midori's spending more time with her this week than usual.

"That means I won't see you again."

"You'll simply forget me. As if I didn't exist," Midori said with that sad forced smile on her face again.

"I think it's cruel. To be here talking to you now, then to not… have you here anymore."

"It's alright, you'll forget it anyway."

* * *

Momoka was absent the day Midori graduated, but she did dream about Midori finally _whole_ and truly happy with her face and heart back. She was smiling, and she looked beautiful, just before the heavy doors closed. She got her wish for graduation.

She will forget Midori ever existed by the time she wakes up.

* * *

Sometime later, while in the classroom, she notices something in the sky.

"I can see it now, the black moon," Momoka says to no one in particular.

"What black moon?" Ai asked, seated beside her in class.

"Nothing, Ai."

It had seemed important. Hadn't someone asked her about it? She can't remember, too. No one else seemed to notice. She must be the only one who can see it, then.


End file.
